An International Flight Attendant for a legacy US Carrier that loves his job. Often wishes he could have flown in the Golden Years with all the glam, but enjoys what he does.
Will blog about Drum & Bugle Corps' and Marching Bands too (especially in the summer and fall)
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Things Flight Attendants won't tell you...
Want to start off on the wrong foot with me?
Put your carry-on in a full overhead bin,
leave it sticking out six inches, then take your seat at the window and
wait for someone else (me!) to come along and solve the physics problem
you just created.
Yes, passengers are incredibly rude...
but stealing a beer, cursing out
passengers, and jumping out of a plane is not the way to handle it. You
disarm an unruly passenger by introducing yourself, asking his name, and
saying something like ‘I’ve been incredibly nice to you for three
hours. Why are you treating me like this?’ Generally that gets the other
passengers on your side—and sometimes they’ll even applaud.
We don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend
in every city.
Despite popular belief (especially from the 60s and 70s) we don't have a 'trick' in every layover city. Most Flight attendants these days are married, have families, and have settled down. Flight schedules are too hectic to have extra fun sometimes....and our median age these days is 44.
An all-too-common scenario?
I hand you a cup of coffee and say,
‘Cream and sugar?’ You say, ‘What?’ I say, ‘Cream and sugar?’ You say,
‘What?’ Come on, people. What do you think we’re going to ask after
we’ve handed you coffee? Your favorite color?
If you’re traveling with a small child and you keep hearing bells, bells, and more bells,
please look to see if it’s your child playing with the flight attendant call bell. If the crew is lucky, depending on the aircraft type, they can disable the seats call bell!
The lavatory door is not rocket science.
To some, it might be though. To open the Lavatory door, you open it like you would a normal door, by turning the knob! Some doors you simply just push.
If you have a baby, bring diapers.
If you’re diabetic, bring syringes. If
you have high blood pressure, don’t forget your medication. That way,
I’m not trying to make a diaper out of a sanitary pad and a pillowcase
or asking over the intercom if someone has a spare inhaler.
Just in case you hadn’t noticed, there are other people on the airplane besides you.
So don’t clip your toenails, snore with wild abandon, or do any type of personal business under a blanket!
If you’re traveling overseas, do yourself a favor and bring a pen.
You would not believe how many people
travel without one, and you need one to fill out the immigration forms. I
carry some, but I can’t carry 200.
Passengers are always coming up to me and tattling on each other.
‘Can you tell him to put his seat up?’ ‘She won’t share the armrest.’ What am I, a preschool teacher?
I hate working flights to destinations like Vail and West Palm Beach.
The passengers all think they’re in first
class even if they’re not. They don’t do what we ask. There isn't enough room for those sitting in First Class to hang all the coats. And the overhead
bins are full of their mink coats.
Do you really have to go to the bathroom right now, while we’re wrestling a 250-pound food cart down the aisle?
You can’t wait 90 seconds for us to pass?
Is it that difficult to say hello and goodbye?
We say it 300 times on every flight, and only about 40 people respond.
Do not poke or grab me
I mean it. No one likes to be poked, but
it’s even worse on the plane because you’re sitting down and we’re not,
so it’s usually in a very personal area. You would never grab a
waitress if you wanted ketchup or a fork, would you?
We’re not being lazy.
Our rules really say we aren’t allowed to lift your luggage into the overhead bin for you, though we can “assist.”
I don’t care if you want to be in the mile-high club, keep your clothes on.
Who decided the mile-high club was something that everyone wants to do anyway? It’s cramped and dirty in those bathrooms. Besides, that's not water on the floor!
If you hear us paging for a doctor
or see us running around with oxygen,
defibrillators and first aid kits, that’s not the right time to ask for a
blanket or a Diet Coke.
The only place you are allowed to pee
on the airplane is in the lavatory. Period.
Don’t ask us if it’s okay to use the lavatories on the ground.
The answer is always yes (unless we're taxiing to/from the gate). Do you think what goes into the toilet just dumps out onto the tarmac?
You really expect me to take your soggy Kleenex?
Or your kid’s fully loaded diaper? I’ll be right back with gloves. Often times passengers will hand the flight attendants their tissues after blowing their brains out, then expect us to continue serving others. If you don't want your Kleenex, why do you think we do if we don't have a trash bag for you to dispose it into?
Sure, I don’t mind waiting while you scour the seatback pocket
and the floor for candy wrappers and
other garbage, then place them in my bag one by one. I only have 150
other passengers to serve.
I’m sorry it’s taking forever to get you a wheelchair,
but that’s one thing you can’t blame the
airline for. The wheelchair service is subcontracted to the cities we
fly into, and it’s obviously not a top priority for many of them.