Things Flight Attendants won't tell you...

Want to start off on the wrong foot with me?

Put your carry-on in a full overhead bin, leave it sticking out six inches, then take your seat at the window and wait for someone else (me!) to come along and solve the physics problem you just created.

Yes, passengers are incredibly rude...

but stealing a beer, cursing out passengers, and jumping out of a plane is not the way to handle it. You disarm an unruly passenger by introducing yourself, asking his name, and saying something like ‘I’ve been incredibly nice to you for three hours. Why are you treating me like this?’ Generally that gets the other passengers on your side—and sometimes they’ll even applaud.

We don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend

in every city.

Despite popular belief (especially from the 60s and 70s) we don't have a 'trick' in every layover city. Most Flight attendants these days are married, have families, and have settled down. Flight schedules are too hectic to have extra fun sometimes....and our median age these days is 44.

An all-too-common scenario?

I hand you a cup of coffee and say, ‘Cream and sugar?’ You say, ‘What?’ I say, ‘Cream and sugar?’ You say, ‘What?’ Come on, people. What do you think we’re going to ask after we’ve handed you coffee? Your favorite color?

If you’re traveling with a small child and you keep hearing bells, bells, and more bells,

please look to see if it’s your child playing with the flight attendant call bell. If the crew is lucky, depending on the aircraft type, they can disable the seats call bell!

The lavatory door is not rocket science.

To some, it might be though. To open the Lavatory door, you open it like you would a normal door, by turning the knob! Some doors you simply just push.

 

If you have a baby, bring diapers.

If you’re diabetic, bring syringes. If you have high blood pressure, don’t forget your medication. That way, I’m not trying to make a diaper out of a sanitary pad and a pillowcase or asking over the intercom if someone has a spare inhaler.

Just in case you hadn’t noticed, there are other people on the airplane besides you.

So don’t clip your toenails, snore with wild abandon, or do any type of personal business under a blanket!

If you’re traveling overseas, do yourself a favor and bring a pen.

You would not believe how many people travel without one, and you need one to fill out the immigration forms. I carry some, but I can’t carry 200.

 

Passengers are always coming up to me and tattling on each other.

‘Can you tell him to put his seat up?’ ‘She won’t share the armrest.’ What am I, a preschool teacher?

I hate working flights to destinations like Vail and West Palm Beach.

The passengers all think they’re in first class even if they’re not. They don’t do what we ask. There isn't enough room for those sitting in First Class to hang all the coats. And the overhead bins are full of their mink coats.

Do you really have to go to the bathroom right now, while we’re wrestling a 250-pound food cart down the aisle?

You can’t wait 90 seconds for us to pass?

Is it that difficult to say hello and goodbye?

We say it 300 times on every flight, and only about 40 people respond. 

Do not poke or grab me

I mean it. No one likes to be poked, but it’s even worse on the plane because you’re sitting down and we’re not, so it’s usually in a very personal area. You would never grab a waitress if you wanted ketchup or a fork, would you?

We’re not being lazy.

Our rules really say we aren’t allowed to lift your luggage into the overhead bin for you, though we can “assist.”

I don’t care if you want to be in the mile-high club, keep your clothes on.

Who decided the mile-high club was something that everyone wants to do anyway? It’s cramped and dirty in those bathrooms. Besides, that's not water on the floor!

If you hear us paging for a doctor

or see us running around with oxygen, defibrillators and first aid kits, that’s not the right time to ask for a blanket or a Diet Coke.

 

The only place you are allowed to pee

on the airplane is in the lavatory. Period.

Don’t ask us if it’s okay to use the lavatories on the ground.

The answer is always yes (unless we're taxiing to/from the gate). Do you think what goes into the toilet just dumps out onto the tarmac?

You really expect me to take your soggy Kleenex?

Or your kid’s fully loaded diaper? I’ll be right back with gloves. Often times passengers will hand the flight attendants their tissues after blowing their brains out, then expect us to continue serving others. If you don't want your Kleenex, why do you think we do if we don't have a trash bag for you to dispose it into?

 

Sure, I don’t mind waiting while you scour the seatback pocket

and the floor for candy wrappers and other garbage, then place them in my bag one by one. I only have 150 other passengers to serve.

 

I’m sorry it’s taking forever to get you a wheelchair,

but that’s one thing you can’t blame the airline for. The wheelchair service is subcontracted to the cities we fly into, and it’s obviously not a top priority for many of them.

Flight Attendant Hero, or Flight Attendant Embarrassment?

Sure, we all know that air travel is getting more and more frustrating over the last few years. We can look back and see where the trend started when airlines started to charge for checked luggage. Being over the required weight by one pound the airlines will charge you more, or having more than one or two bags will cost more too. This often starts at the ticket counter when checking in.

After forking over more money than expected, then you have to go through the TSA security checkpoint where you can see them frisking little old grandmothers with walkers, or find them now keeping the photos from the new body image scanners, so it's only fair to understand why passengers are getting more and more frustrated before they even get to the plane.

Planes are becoming more full. No more extended leg room, cramped seats, no free food, blankets, pillows, or magazines that use to be included in the cost of the ticket. However, getting onto the plane is becoming a nightmare due to the airlines charging for the checked bags. So it's a hassle to find space for your carry-on since everyone is bringing everything onto the plane. Small bags that should be placed under the seat are being placed into the over-head, making it difficult for the last group of passengers to find space for their bags. Even some arguments that come about with stowage of items in seatback pockets. (Stowage of items in seatbacks)

Once everyone is situated, now we have to worry about those electronic devices being turned off at time of departure. I've written about these U.S. regulations before (Why don't airlines allow cell phone use after aircraft door is closed), yet passengers ignore the regulations and the flight attendants now have to become policemen telling people to turn off their devices. When those passengers don't listen, then it becomes a very frustrating situation for both flight attendant and passenger.

Depending on where you are sitting, your first choice of food may not be available, or the limited Buy On Board snacks are gone and you are really hungry. It's cold on the airplane, but the airlines have  remove the pillows & blankets, or they have started to charge for them. So your family vacation or trip hasn't really started, but it's starting off very rough, and the plane hasn't even left the gate. Hopefully, there isn't a maintenance delay, or weather delay, but if you know anything about flying, hope that you aren't flying out of JFK at "Rush-Hour" where you could be taxiing for over an hour before take-off! 

Finally the plane is in the air, and the you then find out your personal TV isn't working, or the entertainment device given to you in-flight is inoperable, or the kid sitting behind you constantly kicks the back of your seat. How about that screaming child, or the overly loud and obnoxious passengers sitting across the aisle hitting on the flight attendants or buying more and more alcohol and getting drunker as the flight goes on.

Finally, you arrive at your destination and you just want to get off the plane, but now everything is happening in reverse. You are now waiting for your gate to open up and the flight has just been long and tiring and you just want to get off the plane. While the plane is sitting there, in the 'penalty box' you decide to get your bag out of the over-head bin (which you are not allowed to do because you don't know when the plane is going to move) yet, you get up to retrieve your bag. The flight attendant informs you to leave your carry-on stowed, and to remain seated as you are still on an 'active taxi-way'. Yet, you ignore the request, so the flight attendant comes to you and again asks you to take your seat, but this time, you don't like their demeanor as they have now singled you out in front of everyone and you yelled expletives at the flight attendant.

With all the other things that have happened in-flight (or even prior flights) the flight attendant finally breaks, gets on the P.A. and continues to berate you using the same expletives to the entire plane. Now, the flight attendant decides that he is through working as a flight attendant, pulls the emergency slide, grabs a couple of beers and jumps.

Many people see someone who has just cracked under pressure and couldn't deal with the stress, others hail him as a hero because he finally did what so many other flight attendants have wanted to do, but didn't, or is this someone who has flown under the radar far too long and should have never been given a flight attendant job.

For me personally, I find the whole thing an embarrassment to the flight attendant profession, but others find him a true Saint. Showing what flight attendants have to go through on an almost daily ritual of being berated by passengers over the smallest of things that are out of their personal control. Showing that not only airlines, but passengers often don't see the role of a flight attendant as a true Safety Professional.

More issues with Carry-On bags...

Yes, here I am talking about carry-on bags...AGAIN. If you remember, I talked about this issue with Carry-Ons could clog Holiday Travel last year. Now that airlines are charging for checked bags, passengers are starting to bring more and more bags onto the aircraft.

The only problem is, there isn't much room for the added bags. Sure, airlines have tried to expand the overhead bins to accommodate the carry-ons, however, the airlines don't have the  money to keep up with the demand, and besides, many people don't listen to the many announcements from the flight crew requesting to place smaller bags under the seat in front of them, while reserving the over-head bins for the larger bags.

On the left is what can happen when passengers actually place their small carry-ons under the seat in front of them, while reserving the bins for their roll-aboard, AND place them wheels first into the bin. There are many bags that may be too long to fit this way, but it does help to at least try. Don't worry about your handles sticking out, when the bin is closed, the bags will roll down into the bin itself, and will fit just nicely.

Too often, I see passengers place their small purses, pocket-books, laptops, backpacks, or other small bag that can be placed under their seat, into the overhead taking up valuable room. If you have a small bag, please, just place it under the seat in front of you like this guy did on the right. I have a tote-bag that is part of my crew bag, and I always put it under the seat in front of me, not because of my computer or my In-Flight Manual being in it, but to save room for the larger bags in the bins.

After boarding is complete, and you see a bin that still has plenty of room in it, feel free to place your smaller bag into the bin, but all we ask as crew members is just be courteous to your fellow passenger and place that small bag under the seat, no matter what the duration of your flight is.

Now, don't place your bag behind your legs for take-off and/or landing. Remember, FAR 121.589 is a safety regulation that is designed to "prevent carry-on items from slowing an emergency evacuation and to prevent injury to passengers by ensuring items are properly restrained." Behind your legs is not properly restrained. Don't wrap your strap around your leg either, as this may cause you to trip during an evacuation and get trampled. Place your bag completely under the seat in front of you, making sure you have clear access to the aisle at all times.

The same is true if you are sitting at a bulkhead seat. All carry-on items must be properly stowed for taxi-out, take-off, turbulent weather, landing, and taxi-in. Some airlines will allow those sitting at bulkheads to board first to allow you to stow all of your bags, while at others the cabin crew will often try to keep the overhead bins available for you. Just remember: for take-off and landing, since there isn't a seat to stow your bags, all bags must be in an overhead bin.

I'm sorry, but you have to wait for an agent...

It never fails that when I'm inside the terminal, checking the computer for my work information, in uniform, and a passenger walks up and starts requesting information about something I have no clue what they are talking about. Often it's about switching seats, or get a seat assignment because they are 'standing by' for a flight and haven't received a seat assignment.

One of the things to differentiate Pilots, Flight Attendants, and actual gate agents is agents do NOT have any sort of wings, or stripes on their uniform. These are reserved for pilots and flight attendants.

Both pilots and flight attendants will often have their roller-board bags with them, and are quickly checking the status of their schedule, or looking to see what is going on for their next flight. They don't have any ability to look at a seat map of the plane and check a passenger in, or switch seats to accommodate a family of four.

Sure, pilots may have a bit more information about a possible delay, but they usually don't know any more about seats than flight attendants do. Pilots, whether the Captain or First Officer, will have stripes on their sleeves, as well as epaulets on their shirts. Many pilots wear hats that have a lightening bolt on it (captains) or hats as shown on the left. Either way, we can't give information about Upgrades, seat-swaps, or anything like that.

The biggest customers who request info from Flight Attendants or Pilots are surprisingly the Frequent Flier. I'm always amazed because they fly so often, they know what a pilot or flight attendant uniform looks like (Wings, stripes, bags) vs. an agent who is actually stuck behind the counter being hounded by other passengers regarding their Upgrades, seat-swaps, or other questions.

I also wonder why passenger ask the TSA what gates their flights are leaving out of when there are monitors, 99.99% of the time right at the checkpoints. I've witnessed people getting mad at the TSA because their flight wasn't listed, or shows "Final Boarding", but why get upset at the TSA? They are there to screen bags, test for explosives, and make sure that potential terrorists don't make it to your plane, not know where your gate is.

"Excuse me, will you lift my bag for me"

This is a question that Flight Attendants often get when passengers board the airplane. The only problem is, flight attendants don't know how heavy your bag is because we didn't pack it. There have been many times that I would see an elderly woman with a bag and would offer to put it into the overhead bin. The only problem is the few times I offered to help, it's heavier than expected, and heavier than my own carry-on bag.

Now, the majority of flight attendants will be more than glad to assist you with your bag. Just don't expect them to actually lift it for you. I was in the back of an airplane one time and this woman asked me to assist her, so I was glad to offer my assistance. The only problem is that once we were lifting it, she completely let go and I almost dropped the bag on the passenger below. It took all my might to not drop it, and luckily it didn't fall. The only problem, I had a very sore shoulder the rest of the day because of it.

The best rule to remember is if You packed it, then You lift it. There have been too many flight attendants injured and have had to undergo surgery on their shoulders to replace their rotator cuff. If a flight attendant tears their rotator cuff due to lifting a passengers bag, they may not be covered from their insurance. This isn't good. This means that they may have to take time off from work, using their sick time and this will often be looked down upon from the airline. 

A torn rotator cuff is not something that many airlines will cover with insurance, hence why many crew members will not actually lift your bag. Many will be more than happy help you find a spot for your bag, but please don't expect any of them to actually lift it because a torn rotator cuff hurts. Thankfully, I haven't had to undergo this surgery yet, but I'm sure at some time/point, I might.

Of course, a torn cuff isn't due solely on helping with passengers bags, there are many things that could lead to a torn rotator cuff, but actually lifting a bag that flight attendants don't know the weight of, could lead to a torn cuff.

I know it may be difficult to actually find a space for your roll-aboard, especially now that winter is on it's way. Many people will throw their coats, jackets, and everything in-between into the bin not thinking that there may be someone else needing to put their bag into the bin too.

Luckily, many airlines have now expanded the overhead bins to allow bags to be fit length-wise, wheels first (or out) which doing this will allow for extra bags to be placed into the bins. Unfortunately, there are still those passengers who think that the bin is solely theirs, but please remember that the bins are shared space and you have to share with others. Just like back when you were growing up, it's good to share with others!

I know that everyone brings on different size bags, but as you can see in the photo on the left, bags can fit neatly into the bin. Sure, you will have some of those new bags that can be pushed in every-which direction, often times their wheels will not allow the bag to be placed length-wise. Even some of the new garment bags are too big to be placed into the bins and take up more than they actually should.

Speaking of garment bags, it would be nice if you brought your hook with your bag and placed it into the closet that most planes have. This will help those passengers with the roll-aboards find places for their bags and fit them length-wise into the bins.

If you plan on hanging your garment bag into the closet, please be sure to have it open and ready to hang when you get to the aircraft boarding door. This will ensure that you don't block everyone behind you to continue boarding. The great thing about putting your bag into the closet, you could just put your laptop and/or purse under the seat in front of you and leave the over head bins for those large carry-on bags!

Well, I hope that this spread a little  light for everyone. There are some airlines that allow their flight attendants to help lift passenger bags, but don't be upset if flight attendants deny actually lifting it for you. Best thing if you ask for assistance, lift the bag as high as you can (usually above your shoulders) and the flight attendants will assist you the rest of the way.

Carry-ons could clog holiday travel...Ya think?!?!

 I'm glad that Jim Kavanagh of CNN posted this on the CNN website, it will give travelers a 'heads-up' on what to expect on the plane. However, it's not going to alleviate the problem.

I find that many travelers will find their seat, put all bags into the bin, put their coat/jacket into the bin, then close it, not thinking about anyone else. Their thought "My stuff is stowed, I don't have to worry now".  Well, this is wrong.  Do think about everyone else because if you would just put your small bag under the seat (where your feet go) then that could create an extra space for another bag!

I will see the most frequent business traveler with only a laptop stop traffic, put his laptop in the bin, take off his coat, and place it next to his laptop and sit down, not thinking that the space he just took, could be for a large roll-aboard bag.  It's this mentality "But I followed the rules" is what really creates havoc during boarding, especially when it's time to close the aircraft door when we still have 15 people trying to find room for their carry-ons.

Rule of thumb? Small bag under the seat in front of you (where your feet go) large bag in the over head bin. Most airlines have expanded bin space, so try and place them wheels first (or wheels out and up on NWA) and hold onto your coat/jacket until everyone has found a place for their bags.

If you are seated in row 31 and you pass an open bin at row 5, do NOT put your bag there because now the person seated in that area won't have a place for their bag! Besides, would you want your carry-on so far away from you that you can't keep an eye on it?  You would be surprised at how often people walk off planes with someone else's bag. I even saw someone take my crew bag out of the bin and start rummaging through it in flight!  I asked them if I could help them, they said "no". I then informed them that they were looking in MY bag and then they got all mad and huffy at ME!  ME! because I caught them rummaging through my bag!

Here are some tips from CNNs website to consider when traveling this winter:

• Obey the government's and airline's rules on size and number of items; use the sizer at the gate.
• Don't attempt to bring prohibited items such as sharp objects or bottles of liquids.
• Stow your bag with the wheels in first.
• Don't put bags in lengthwise.
• Put your larger item up top, smaller item at your feet.
• Use the bin directly over your head. Using a bin up front when you're sitting farther back is cheating.
• Don't commandeer another passenger's under-seat space.
• Make sure your bag is light enough to lift over your head yourself .
• Remove from your bag beforehand any items you may need during the flight rather than sifting through it in the overhead bin.
• Wait until everyone's bags are stowed, then lay your coat on top.

Following these simple and easy guidelines will ensure that you will have a happy boarding. If your airline has 'group' boarding, then only go up to the line when your group is called, don't be gate lice and hover around blocking the passage to those who are called first.  Believe it or not, group boarding is done from the back of the airplane to the front.  (those people who are already in various seats when you board are Elites who just had to have their bags in the bins first and sit down)